It's Who I Am

infatuation:

noun; a disease that will cripple and consume you

for just once..

For just once in my life I would like things to go the way I want them. I know this sounds spoiled, but in all seriousness, nothing seems to go my way lately, I’ve had enough on my plate with absolutely no motivation to do it. Why you might ask?

Well you see guys, there have been very few things that I’ve really truly WANTED these past couple of months (two to be specific). The one thing that has kept me going has been the pursuit of being accepted to a certain university, which shall remain unnamed. I’ve tried so hard time and time again, I’ve bumped my average up, pulled all nighters, put my heart in soul into every piece of work I’ve handed in, and with not half bad results either. 

What drives me up the wall, is when I do all of this, just so a panel of people can stare at a piece of paper and say yes or no to my entire future. I’m made to wait copious amounts of time, with absolutely no response. It would be fine if I got a “you’re application is being reviewed” or “thanks for applying”, but no, somebody feels its appropriate to keep me waiting in the dark for 5 months with absolutely no clue of what’s going on. Thanks! I hope they wrote lost sleep, mental stability and overall well being on my application, maybe that’ll be good enough for them. 

As much as I love the friends that have already gotten accepted, I can’t help but be jealous and question just what they have that I don’t when we have THE EXACT SAME AVERAGE. I’m losing my mind, and if I don’t hear something soon, nothing good is going to come of it….

I’m afraid that I don’t want this enough anymore